I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
