Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
