Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
