I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
