Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
