and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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