I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
