I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
