just survived the first fart of the relationship.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
