And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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