2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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