I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize