Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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