dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
