I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
