Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
