K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
