I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
