well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
