we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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