I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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