i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
