break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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