in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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