Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
