i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
