dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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