I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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