how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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