Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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