How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
