So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
