I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
