Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
