my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
