who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
