Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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