I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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