I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
