I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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