dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
