she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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