I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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