I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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