real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I forget how to act sober
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
