Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
