i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Send help, water and tortillas.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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