found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
