somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm like, not good at living.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
