Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
