I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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