Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
