He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
