You can't special order awesome
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize