so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
