just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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