There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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