Kiss
Puke
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm passing your future prison.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
