I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
