Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
