I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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