And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
