i would punch a child for taco bell
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
