Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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