my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
