Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
