If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
