I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
