We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
