yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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