Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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