i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
