Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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