is your mom at the bar?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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