Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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