I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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