she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
