Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
