if you like me you must not know who I am
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
