he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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