I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
