btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
