They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
im on a boat
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