What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
